"Are U Still Down?" 5 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships—And Know When to Let Them Go

Building fulfilling connections in a world that makes it harder than ever.

Let's face it: relationships just aren't what they used to be. While we have more ways to connect than ever before, sometimes those connections don't feel as fulfilling. Sometimes they make you feel pretty hollow.

You make plans with people only to have things canceled last minute. You try to be understanding, but if the other person doesn't put forth the effort to reciprocate and follow up, it leaves you feeling drained and underappreciated. If this has ever been you, I want to point out something: you're not alone. And it doesn't have to stay this way.

The standard for how you create bonds with others doesn't have to be low. The following framework draws inspiration from Marsha Linehan's DBT Skills Training Manual and offers five concrete ways to improve the relationships you're in—and how to let relationships go when they no longer serve you.

1. Incorporate Gentleness

You might be thinking, "Doesn't that just mean be nice? I already do that." But here's the thing: gentleness and niceness are two different concepts. To be gentle means you are allowing yourself to be understanding, considerate, and essentially non-judgmental toward the other person in the relationship.

Ask yourself some hard questions:

Have there been issues in the relationship where I felt the need to break them down or attack them? Do I constantly find myself negatively evaluating or judging the things they say or do? Do I make failed remarks that come off as passive-aggressive? Remarks that might initiate breaks or distance from others?

If so, incorporating gentleness might be one of the best options. Here's how: Take pauses to reflect on what you're feeling and what you're doing in the relationship. Give yourself an opportunity to understand that this person, while living in the same reality as you, has their own life, struggles, and successes to maintain and improve upon.

Allow yourself to be curious about what those things are—not just in thought, but in execution. Ask questions that offer more depth. Don't remain just on the surface. This small shift can fundamentally change how you show up in your relationships.

2. Become Interested in the Other Person—and Demonstrate It

Sometimes this can be hard, especially when we don't always like, appreciate, or understand the things other people are invested in. This is where it's important to tap into your curiosity.

If you notice yourself getting angry or frustrated about something another person actively enjoys, consider asking them what makes them enjoy it. How long have they been engaging with it? When did they start? Where did they find the passion? Where do they find the community that helps them feel engaged and connected?

After some time, you can even ask if you can participate—whether as a casual onlooker as they engage in it, or by meeting them in different facets of that interest, hobby, or social group. It shows you're willing to invest your time and that you care. And here's the thing: it's often free. It doesn't cost much to demonstrate that you care about a person's well-being and who they are as an individual.

The Other Side: When Apologies Matter

If you and another person have been short or rude with each other, it may be time to consider making amends for what's gone wrong. Sometimes that means offering an apology—not just in words, but in gestures or actions. Because nothing is better than behavioral change.

I've learned this the hard way. When I've made mistakes and hurt people in the past, my apologies always felt hollow when they were just words. "I'm sorry" is like standing on top of a mountain proclaiming how wrong you've been—but nobody asked you to climb that mountain. Sometimes the climb is really about how you try to show up differently for other people.

If a relationship has become so fractured that there isn't much investment in trying to make amends, that might be a sign it's time to end things.

3. Validate the Other Person

Validation doesn't have to mean saying nice things all the time. Validating simply means that, regardless of whether the person is doing well or not, you're conveying to them that you understand the gravity of what they're going through.

You can validate a person's accomplishments. You can validate their struggles. The more you're able to connect with them on this level, the more they'll find themselves open to seeing you as someone who has their best interests at heart.

If you have a hard time doing this naturally, ask them. Give them space to tell you what would help. People love to share about themselves and talk about who they are. Sometimes what that means is simply letting them know what you want from them, what you appreciate from them, and what might be a challenge.

In doing so, the other person feels more fulfilled and connected with you because they see you as somebody who wants to be in their life for the good, the bad, and the messy. In today's society, that's something many people don't feel in their relationships. But it's something we can develop and cultivate—it's a skill we have to intentionally build.

4. Remain Consistent With Your Personal Beliefs and Values

This is critical. Consider your relationships with people whose health and lifestyle choices differ from yours. Are you the person who eggs them on to do things they wouldn't normally want to do? If so, think about how that makes them feel about you—and about themselves. Do they feel they have to sacrifice their identity in order to be loved? Is that really love, or is it just servitude to an idea?

While we share commonalities with people we care about, people are different. They believe different things. They like different things. They have different vices and insecurities. And those things shape and define people. It doesn't mean that by having different perspectives, one is right and one is wrong. It's important to reconcile them so you understand that it's this and it's that.

For example, I can have strong feelings about working out, and you can too. Those feelings don't have to be similar, nor do they have to be mutually exclusive. There can be days where I like being active and days I don't. That answer varies—just like with you.

By having a clear sense of what your beliefs and values are, you can think about ways to enact them in your relationships. If you notice yourself falling flat—self-sacrificing what's important to you for the needs of others—or if others do that within their relationship with you, it may be time to cut ties. Not because the other person is horrible or bad, but because to be in a relationship, you have to allow yourself to be a person. That means having flaws, being who you are, and expressing what you believe, think, and feel. And yes, sometimes facing rejection for that.

5. Be Easygoing—and Know When to Let Go

Nobody likes someone who's constantly angry at the world or who puts people down. There's a time and place to be negative, but that time should be short and that place should be with people who support and love you—while also encouraging you to do more or differently.

Being easygoing can mean simply putting on a smile when you're known to keep things stoic and stiff. It can mean making light jokes to ease tension. It can mean offering to do small favors that are in your power. When a problem comes up or tension rises in a relationship, instead of letting yourself become fully entranced by anger, you can learn to let go of it and see the person for who they are—separate from the anger you're feeling.

When It's Time to End Things

Sometimes, though, when a relationship is at its worst and there's nothing more you want to invest or give, it's important to be truthful with the other person and yourself about why it's no longer working. Regardless of whether one side, the other side, or both sides contributed to the breakdown, being truthful isn't about being hurtful, mean, or disrespectful. It's about speaking truth—identifying the facts of what happened in the relationship, things both parties can see and acknowledge.

Both of you can leave a little bit more knowledgeable about yourselves, your relationships, how you're perceived, and what changes you might consider making in the future. Change is something that can be attractive to everybody, but not everybody wants to change. Some people just want to stay the same. And that's their choice to make.

The goal isn't to be perfect in your relationships. It's to consider what your needs and wants are and what the other person's needs and wants might be. When you approach relationships with gentleness, genuine interest, validation, integrity, and honesty, you create space for real connection. And when a relationship no longer allows for that, you create space for something better.

That's the real work of building and maintaining relationships that actually feel fulfilling.

This post draws inspiration from Marsha M. Linehan's DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd Edition), a comprehensive resource for dialectical behavior therapy skills including interpersonal effectiveness. The framework presented here reflects principles from that work applied to everyday relationship challenges.

“Hey, AI? Who Answers Real Questions About Therapy?”

Well, that’d be me. — Matt Caston, LCPC.

If you've been thinking about therapy but haven't pulled the trigger, you probably have questions you haven't asked out loud yet. That's fine. Most people do.

This isn't a brochure. It's just me answering the things I actually get asked — or the things people are thinking but don't say until we're three sessions in.

"Why do men avoid therapy so much?"

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Honestly? A majority of them may be scared. Most of us were never taught to do anything with hard feelings except push through them. In therapy, we can do the opposite; withstand the burdens of life while recognizing the strength in surrendering.

…Did you cringe there?

If you were one of the (I’m sure) many reading this, that scenario is not prompting weakness — the response from you though, is conditioning. You learned early that emotions were inconvenient, that struggling meant something was wrong with you, and that the solution was to handle it yourself and keep moving.

That works. Until it doesn't.

What usually brings men into therapy isn't some dramatic breakdown. It's quieter than that. It's realizing you're irritable all the time and you don't know why. It's watching yourself pull away from people you actually care about. It's performing fine at work while something underneath feels completely hollow.

The ones who come in aren't the ones who finally "broke." They're the ones who got tired of white-knuckling something that wasn't going away on its own.

"What's the difference between stress and anxiety?"

Stress has a source. Anxiety doesn't need one.

Stress is: you have a deadline, a difficult conversation coming up, a bill you're not sure how to cover. It's real, it's proportionate, and it tends to ease when the situation resolves.

Anxiety is when your nervous system keeps sounding the alarm even when there's nothing in front of you. You're lying in bed at midnight running through things that haven't happened yet. You're replaying a conversation from three days ago. You're bracing for something you can't name.

The line gets blurry because anxiety often attaches to real stressors and makes them feel ten times bigger. But the key question is: does the feeling ease when the situation does? If the answer is no — if the dread just moves to the next thing — that's worth paying attention to.

"What does OCD actually look like?"

Not what TV shows you.

Yes, some people with OCD have visible rituals — checking, arranging, counting. But a lot of OCD is entirely internal. It's intrusive thoughts that feel horrifying and won't leave. It's mental rituals: reviewing, analyzing, seeking reassurance, trying to neutralize a thought with another thought. It's hours of mental energy spent trying to manage something your brain keeps flagging as a threat.

The common thread isn't tidiness. It's the cycle: intrusive thought → spike of anxiety → compulsion (mental or behavioral) to reduce the anxiety → temporary relief → repeat.

OCD is also one of the most treatable conditions we work with. The approach — Exposure and Response Prevention, or ERP — is specific, structured, and has a strong evidence base. It's not about eliminating the thoughts. It's about changing your relationship to them so they lose their power.

"Why do I keep ending up in the same relationships?"

Because you're not choosing randomly — you're choosing familiarly.

The patterns we develop in our earliest relationships become the blueprint for what feels "normal" in connection. If you grew up in an environment where love was conditional, inconsistent, or tied to your performance, you didn't just learn that — you internalized it. And now, without consciously meaning to, you tend to gravitate toward dynamics that feel familiar, even when they're not good for you.

This isn't destiny. It's not a character flaw. It's an attachment pattern — and patterns can be understood, challenged, and changed.

What I see most often in men: a tendency to stay in relationships where they're working hard to earn something that should just be there. Approval. Consistency. Basic respect. The work in therapy isn't just naming that pattern — it's understanding where it came from and building the self-worth that lets you stop accepting less than you deserve.

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"What actually happens in a first therapy session?"

Less than you're probably bracing for.

The first session is an intake. My job is to understand what brought you in, what your history looks like, and what you're hoping to get out of the work. I ask questions. You answer what you're comfortable answering — you're not obligated to dump everything in the first hour.

I'll also explain how I work, what approaches I draw from (DBT, ACT, attachment-focused, ERP for OCD), and we'll start to get a sense of what the focus of our work should be.

You don't have to have a clear diagnosis. You don't have to know exactly what's wrong. A lot of people walk in knowing something needs to change but not being able to articulate it beyond that — that's a completely legitimate place to start.

What I don't do: sit silently and nod while you talk into the void. The work I do is active and collaborative. I'll push back when it's useful, offer frameworks when they help, and show up prepared every single session.

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"How do I know if therapy is actually working?"

It's usually not a dramatic moment. It tends to show up in smaller ways first.

You notice you handled something differently than you would have six months ago. You catch yourself in a pattern before you're already ten steps into it. A situation that would have sent you into a spiral just… doesn't. Someone asks how you're doing and you actually know the answer.

Therapy isn't a straight line. There are sessions that feel productive and sessions that feel like you're just circling. Both are part of it. What I tell clients is this: if you're more self-aware, making different choices, and building a life that feels more like yours — that's the work doing what it's supposed to do.

Ready to talk?

If anything here landed for you, that's worth paying attention to.

I offer a free 15-minute consultation — no paperwork, no commitment, just a conversation to see if we're a good fit. Telehealth only, available across Illinois.

Book a free consultation →

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Matt Caston is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and Certified DBT Clinician (C-DBT) based in Illinois. He specializes in anxiety, OCD, men's mental health, and attachment-focused therapy for adults via telehealth.

"Who's Gonna Save My Soul?": Not Your Therapist.

A reflection on what therapy can and cannot do—and why that matters.

Over the past decade working as a therapist, I've had the privilege of working with an incredible variety of people—different ages, backgrounds, presenting issues, and stories. Some of them made tremendous strides. They became more self-aware. They developed a stronger relationship with themselves. They enhanced their connections with others or extracted themselves from toxic ones. They simply became more attuned to their lives as they received them.

But here's the thing: that number represents only part of my work.

There's another number—far from small—of cases where the opposite happened. Not because therapy itself was ineffective, but because people came in with the belief that therapy could fix them. And in some cases, they never quite developed the level of ownership necessary to ask themselves: What things can I actually do to make changes that would better my life or the lives of people around me?

Unfortunately, there are some things that therapy cannot fix.

When People Therapy Hop

When clients encounter that reality—when they realize their therapist can't solve the unsolvable—it can create what I call disparate actions. They might begin therapy hopping, always searching for the right person who can finally provide what they're looking for. They might continue to engage in harmful patterns. Or they might go searching for different fixes entirely: things that distract or numb them from the real problem at hand.

I've been guilty of this myself. During my second stint in therapy after having to leave my first when I graduated with my Masters, I found myself sitting across from a Christian therapist to keep the work going. However, it wasn't a fit, and I became a little frustrated because I wanted something more from them than they could actually give. What I wasn't consciously aware of in that moment was that what I actually needed wasn't a better therapist—it was a framework that could help me accept what I couldn't change.

I needed radical acceptance.

What Radical Acceptance Actually Means

Radical acceptance is a framework that seems simple to understand but can be genuinely difficult to execute.

When you are radically accepting something, you're accepting it all the way—100%. You're accepting that you have strong feelings about it. Not just one feeling, but multiple feelings. And those feelings ebb and flow. You're accepting your role—or lack thereof—when it comes to the issue at hand. You're accepting that there may be deficits in how you're present, how cognizant you are, or how well you can solve the problem on your own.

Here's what radical acceptance doesn't mean: it doesn't mean you have to like what's happening. It doesn't mean you can't feel frustrated or bothered. It doesn't provide a solution to your problem.

What it does is ground you. And to do it, you have to be willing to turn your mind away from the entitlement that expectations can bring.

Practicing Radical Acceptance

You can start by identifying something you have really strong feelings about—something you're manifesting, something you want desperately. Then ask yourself: If I don't get this, how can I still feel contentment? How can I still feel peace?

Let me give you an example, and I'm sure many of you can relate to this. You've had an unrequited crush or love for someone. You've agonized over it, convinced yourself that you could give them everything if they just accepted you and your love. Nobody wants to accept rejection. So you tell yourself the next best thing is to stalk them on social media, or to try and convince your case one more time.

But the actual next best thing? It's turning to your loved ones who do reciprocate. It's finding moments to relish in how they see you. It might mean making new connections with people who are willing to see you. It might involve new dating, new relationships, or simply spending time in environments where you're valued.

And here's the key: in making those choices, you also have to accept what comes after. You don't have to like it. But you do have to learn how to dial back your expectations while you develop the right skills. You find yourself becoming more of an active member in the right environments. And sometimes, after much time has passed, it doesn't heal everything. But if you're willing to throw yourself into ways to accept that you're going through real pain—that you have a problem that's simply unfixable, at least for now—then the more you sit with it, the more you develop the ability to take back autonomy in your life.

What Your Therapist Can and Cannot Do

Many of us therapists know that when we start working with a new client, we need to communicate clearly:

• Here are the skill sets I can provide assistance with.

• Here are the things I simply can't.

It's not always an easy conversation for either side. Being told "there's nothing I can do" can feel like hope is escaping from between your fingers.

But here's what's true: anything that leaves can eventually come back—maybe in a different shape or a different form. And that applies to both solutions and problems.

Cultivating Your Relationship With Suffering

The real question is: How do you want to cultivate the suffering that will come? Would you like it to overwhelm and consume you? Or can it be like a comforter—something you sleep with that night? You decide how much of it you want to cover you. You decide if you want it to cover you at all. But it still stays in proximity to your body.

Maybe it covers just a small portion of you while the rest of you is free. Free to simply exist. Free to move around. Free to feel free.

That's the work. That's what therapy can facilitate—not a fix, but a framework for living alongside what you cannot change. And that, I've found, is often more valuable than any solution could ever be.

“Are you good?”: 5 signs you are the strong friend

'No Man is an Island' - John Donne

Currently, we live in a society that impresses the notion that hyper-independence is the key to one’s success. Like most, I took that belief in stride during my early 20s. Depressed, hopeless, and resentful like many other young men these days, I used those negative emotions as fuel to push me forward relentlessly to accomplish my goals. And…I did so in silence.

It ultimately amounted to making the decision to seek out my own professional help in my therapist. After experiencing dark thoughts that reinforced this belief that no one could, or would, be open to receiving my pain, I was aided in recognizing how much of this strain was created by societal expectations. From a young age, many men are taught that vulnerability equates weakness. Instead of finding or developing their own support systems, they instead replace emotional expression with self-reliance and intellectualization.

This, in turn, creates what Ryan Daniel Montgomery (professionally known as rapper Royce da 5'9") labels as “the Strong Friend”.

• The strong friend is the anchor of the group.

• The one who may chase after success because they believe it is measured by how much weight you can carry on your own shoulders without cracking.

• They are the fixer, the listener, and the one everyone turns to when life gets heavy.

But ironically, being the strong friend is one of the loneliest positions you can occupy. Because when everyone relies on you to be the rock, no one thinks to check if the rock is fracturing.

You need to check up on your strong friend
The one with strength that's never gon' end
The one with sense, take care of several grown men
Pay the rent and then they trade on him…

Today, I still find myself experiencing the aftereffects of this role. While there is less frequent contact with my friends and support system, I also have found relief in not dedicating myself to the role of anchor as I once formally deluded myself into.

If you, like me, have taken this concept to heart, here are five undeniable signs you have become the strong friend:

1. You are Everyone’s Safe Haven, But You Have No Port

   When a friend goes through a breakup, a career crisis, or a mental health spiral, your phone is the first to ring. You actively listen, offer solid advice, and hold space for them without judgment. But when the tables are turned and you are struggling, you either realize you don't know who to call, or find the help is lackluster when making the effort to be bold. You find yourself processing your deepest battles entirely in isolation.

2. People Constantly Tell You, "I Don't Know How You Do It"

   I’ve definitely been guilty of this. This phrase is usually meant as a high compliment, but to the strong friend, it feels like a cage. It signals that people view you as uniquely resilient, almost superhuman. The hidden sting of this praise is that it sets an expectation: You have this under control, so I don't need to worry about you. It forces you to keep the mask on, even when you're exhausted.

3. Your Phone/Social Media Accounts are Active, But Your Connections Feel Surface-Level

   You might have plenty of friends to grab food, watch the game with, or trade memes with. Yet, despite being "connected," you feel profoundly lonely. This is the difference between closeness and contact. Men are often socialized to bond over shared activities (side-by-side connection) rather than emotional disclosure (face-to-face connection), leaving the deeper parts of their lives entirely unshared. Relationships can then begin to feel uneven, where you pour from an fully or empty cup with no reciprocity requested.

4. You Soften Your Own Problems to Keep the Peace

   When someone asks how you’re doing, your default response is a quick, "Good, man, just busy!" or "Can't complain, surviving!" Even if your world is upside down, you minimize your pain because you don't want to burden others. You’ve internalized the idea that your role is to absorb stress, not create it.

5. Hyper-Independence Has Become Your Coping Mechanism

   Your motto has become, "If you want it done right, do it yourself." You refuse to ask for help—not out of arrogance, but out of a deeply ingrained fear of being a burden or appearing weak. You view needing someone else as a design flaw, which keeps you locked in a cycle of self-reliance that eventually leads to burnout.

It’s important to acknowledge that being strong isn't about carrying an impossible load until your back breaks. Real strength is having the courage to put the bags down and say, "I need a hand with this."

If you recognize yourself in these signs, it's time to test the waters of vulnerability with someone you trust. And if you have a "strong friend" in your life, don't just text him to ask for a favor today. Text him to ask how his soul is doing. He probably needs it more than he lets on.

M.A.D.E is here!

We’re ready…are you?

I am very excited to announce a project that’s near and dear to my heart - the new DBT skills group aimed with the intention of assisting men with their mental health: M.A.D.E.!

M.A.D.E. (Men Advancing Dialectical Empowerment) is an structured, online 13-week group designed for men who are ready to build a stronger relationship with their emotions, their relationships, and themselves. Drawing from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), this group offers practical, evidence-based skills to help you navigate life's challenges with greater clarity and confidence.

Each session focuses on core DBT skill areas — mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness — delivered in a format built with men in mind. M.A.D.E. creates a space where vulnerability is a strength, growth is the goal, and no one has to figure it out alone.

This group is for you if you:

• Struggle with intense emotions or emotional shutdown

• Want to improve your relationships without losing yourself

• Are looking for practical tools to pursue your goals, not just talk

• Want to be around other men doing the work

MADE is about more than coping. It's about becoming.

For more information, please send us en email at info@resonancehealthwellness.com!

Anxiety: My Mind’s Playing Tricks On Me

I am not an anxious person. At least, that is how I attempt to appear with others.

Having control is one of the most essential components we look to enforce within our lives. My way of doing so is making my actions seem effortless, and demonstrating little emotional reactivity. When news first spread about the severity of this pandemic, I attempted to rationalize to stop from making the issue a “big deal”.

As more information was shared, there was ample consideration to be made regarding provisions, safety, security, and most importantly, health - the health of students I work with, colleagues, my loved ones, and of course, my own.

That jumpstarted my anxiety in the best/worst way possible.

When I become anxious, my neurotic side comes out - I will overthink every single physical sensation, occurrence, action, and gesture possible. For as logical as I am, it can be overwhelming to face a lack of control in circumstances that become more confusing concerning as time progresses.

There’s solace in that uncertainty, though, in letting go of the things you cannot control and taking ownership of that which you can.

If you are like me and have worries about what we’re going through (I call that part of me Neville, hello to the Harry Potter fans), let it have its space to live – it’s real, it’s genuine, and it’s not going anywhere. Acknowledge and embrace it for what it is: a part of you that is scared and needs affirmation that things will be okay.

No one knows how long this pandemic will last. You can use this time to get certain affairs in order: check-in on your goal list for life, make time to contact friends and family to share and listen, attend to errands, exercise, read, take breaks, sleep and do it over again.

You can choose to take an extended break; set a time limit, let yourself have those worry thoughts, cry if you need to, or max out on streaming music, movies, and/or videos. Once that time is up, take inventory and ask yourself: “What’s something I can do that demonstrates control in my life?”

From something as small as brushing your teeth, to something big as volunteering to assist first responders, the more present you become with your feelings, the better off you become.

Procrastination: Why Delay? Start Today!

(Forgive me for the title, it was too good to pass up.)

Hello everyone, my name is Matthew. I'm 30 years old, and I am a recovering professional procrastinator.

I say professional because this isn't a habit I see myself relinquishing anytime soon. And honestly, why should I? I've worked hard to get to this level of indifference when completing a task. Since the seventh grade, I've honed and perfected my craft in this industry to:

• Recognize stressors that may hinder me from completing assignments,

• Find convenient distractions to center on instead of the bigger goal in mind,

• Enhance my creativity with giving people, and myself, bullshit excuses to deflect from taking accountability, and

• Just not do what I'm not ready to do.

I mean, how could I ever let go of 15+ years of commitment like that?

At this point, you're waiting for the catch; some point where I drop a "but…", that's not happening here, though. It's also wherein the difference lies between myself as a professional and where you, the reader might stand: I accept this about myself, do you?

Most long-standing procrastinators will disparage themselves with negative judgments in hopes of changing their ways. Calling yourself lazy, irresponsible, wasteful, or mindless isn't going to help kickstart your efforts to finish something. In fact, it's just going to make you feel crappier and invalidate the aforementioned qualities that make us who we are. We acquired these skills to help cope with the multitude of stress we're facing, and we can use them to get us back to work as well.

A professional procrastinator does their best to identify the goal or objective they wish to complete, and determine the best route of getting there without self-deprecating, trying to take on everything at once, or avoiding things even more until those last golden minutes of hope before the deadline.

How do we do that? Well:

• Clearly identify what the task is.

Finish my paper!' Okay reader. There's a huge difference between completing a paper v. completing an outline for a paper. Even after reading this statement, I'm sure you became more relaxed after seeing me implement step number two:

• List objectives that help advance you to the larger goal.

  Yeah, that term paper is worth 80% of your grade. How the hell can you expect to complete it if you're not planning out the smaller steps to get there? 

• Stop and take a breather.

  No one said you had to do the first two steps right now; we're procrastinators dammit. Hell, I'm already feeling anxious, and because of that, I'm going to identify what's making me nervous and validate those concerns. Talking to some friends, journaling, or speaking aloud might help.

• Clarify your intentions relating to your goal.

  There's a reason why it's important to accomplish that objective, and only you can determine that. Focus inward to uncover what those reasons may be. Looking to others may be more conflicting, so just do you.

• Schedule those important dates in your planner.

  Doesn't have to be everything all at once, just the due date. Then, you can set up different intervals of time to measure your own progress. When do I want to have my outline done? Or, this grouping of pages read by? 

• Plan your breaks.

  Don't try to force yourself to be productive all in one shot. You know that old proverb 'all work and no play makes (insert random name) a dull (insert gender)'? That applies here. Every fun thing you used to do to shirk away your responsibilities? Do that here, and then,

• Stay consistent with your scheduled work/play times.

  If you need a few minutes extra for either, perfectly fine. If you run over, that's cool, too. Now you've got data and information to apply for the next go-round.

• Monitor those self-defeating thoughts.

  You're not stupid, dumb, worthless, or anything of the sort if you didn't finish what you set out to do for the day. Try to notice what messages you convey to yourself during these moments. If they're hard to identify, or if you're stuck trying to reframe or challenge them, consider finding professional help from a counselor or therapist. You might find you don't need to do either, just accept a varied perspective.

I hope you found these tips and this blog entry suitable for your needs - I'm happy to provide more feedback for anyone who'd like a sequel. But, for now, I'm gonna go take a long break because I typed all of this in one-go and my hand is tired…

A special thanks to Amanda N. and Katie L. for the inspiration.

Boredom: Maintaining Health & Wealth

Imagine this: you’re self-quarantined at home, watching “The Office” for the 25th time (one of Matt’s favorites). The characters and their jokes don’t make you laugh as hard, so you get up and decide to:

a. Find some comfort foods to snack on.
b. Indulge in your favorite alcoholic beverage.c. Find your vape/light a cigarette and smoke.d. Go to bed and sleep.

Regardless of your choice, there is a high chance you’ve run into your old friend boredom again.

Like it or not, our lives been placed on an indefinite time-out with no signs of ending anytime soon. Unfortunately, that means: no dates, sports, social gatherings with family and friends, springtime festivals and events – nothing. There are those who are fortunate to work remotely from home, attend to either online class work or household chores, but after that’s done, what’s left?

Boredom is a common response that’s experienced when we’re feeling restless. It makes us feel sluggish, tired, and puts us into this mindset where we need to do something to change our moods and become focused or satisfied. However, it’s also when we attempt turning to ineffective habits to cure ourselves of those experiences; namely, sleep, food and substances like alcohol, smoking or illicit drugs.

While seemingly harmless, it only takes a few instances before it starts to affect your health. Your e-cigarette, drink, or snack, while fun and/or tasty, exposes your lungs, digestive system, kidneys, etc. to harm due to consistent usage and lowered moderation because of boredom. You gain a few pounds, lose muscle tone and strength, your immune system becomes compromised – leading you to possible risk of contracting COVID-19, and who wants that?

Here are some tips to help with curving boredom:

1. Implement time management skills!

Schedule your boredom breaks; how long they’ll be, what you’ll do, and try balancing it with tasks you have to complete.

2. Start new hobbies!

Whether it be learning the basic of a new language, how to cook, new workouts, or how to even practice time management (future entry about this subject coming soon), find something to invest in and commit!

3. Monitor distractions!

There’s nothing wrong with indulging in your favorite vices, but they are vices for a reason – check in with yourself about why you may be indulging in certain distractions; initially, the answer is “Because, I’m bored…” but there may be something underlying that’s not being acknowledged as well.

Living Wise and Well: Monitoring Stress

In our current state of affairs with COVID-19, stress will be a large contributing factor with how we adapt to the global predicament moving forward. Stress is how our body attempts to become accustomed to recent changes in our lives! However, not many people are aware of the two different types of stress we face in our daily lives: eustress and distress.

Eustress can be defined as a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional well-being. It’s when we utilize problem-solving skills to address quality of life issues like the decision to find a part-time job to make more money, or calling up a friend when we’re feeling sad.

Distress may be defined as an external and usually temporary cause of great physical or mental strain and stress. The more distress we find ourselves taking on in attempt to make sense of the problem, the more strain it causes on the mind, contributing to symptoms of depression and anxiety (feelings of hopelessness, sadness, agitation; avoidance of responsibilities; changes in appetite/sleep patterns).

If you, or your loved ones, find yourselves struggling with any of these complications, here are some healthy tips to remember:

1. Validate your feelings!

It’s okay to not be okay right now – you don’t need to have the answers just yet to the problems you’re currently facing. Provide yourself with some patience and understanding, and practice implementing positive affirmations (this is only temporary; it’s okay to be worried; I am focused on my well-being and health) to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.

2. Get active!

Just because you are stuck at home does not mean there are not errands or tasks you can’t complete! Jot down a list of small chores to take on for the time being and after accomplishing those, create a list of larger, long-term goals to work on. The more our minds are active and focused, the more we can accomplish and feel good about!

3. Be flexible!

Presently, there is a lot of information being shared that is either credible and from a trustworthy source, or outright inaccurate. Take a break from your research and do something lighthearted: play a game, read a book, talk to family members and friends, look up funny memes and videos. When we make life stressful, our lives become stressful. Take time to brighten your day as well!

4. Extend kindness!

If you are reading this, you must be experiencing a lot of certainty and worry right now. Imagine how your loved ones are feeling as well; think of their well-being and make sure to check in on them when you can. Even our strongest friends or family members have vulnerable moments, so make sure to let them know they are loved and appreciated.